Everything Wrong with Sherlock's Day
by The Flying Lion
Summary: Inspired by the CinemaSins Video: As part of an agreement with the British Court Sherlock Holmes has agreed to submit daily journals to his probation officer in order to spot certain behavioral triggers. May God help him.
1. Day 1

1. Woke up.

2. Performed ballistics test.

3. Accidently shot John in the foot.

4. Took John to the hospital.

5. Ignored text from Mycroft.

6. Dissected spider.

7. Looked at pictures of women on John's laptop.

8. Fought a ninja.

9. Kicked girl scouts out after they tried selling cookies.

10. Went to the morgue to look at corpses.

11. Noticed Molly's purple lipstick.

12. Went to Scotland Yard to solve case of businessman murdered by ninja clan.

13. Went back home in cab.

14. Took hot shower looking pissed off.

15. Got yelled at for walking around in bed sheet by Mrs. Hudson.

16. Went with John and girlfriend No. 274 to Chinese food place.

17. Forgot her name was Mary.

18. Solved riddle sent from Moriarty.

19. Unintentionally averted nuclear attack on London at the same time.

20. Beat up angry youths with a yo yo.

21. Went atop MI6 headquarters to contemplate things.

22. Ran into weird blonde guy in a suit.

23. Ignored texts from Irene.

24. Bought donuts.

25. Gave Molly donuts to look at corpse again.

26. Strangled corpse.

27. Went back home and played violin.

28. Woke up John and girlfriend 274 while they had sex.

29. Continued playing violin.

30. Ignored orders from Mycroft to go to Buckingham Palace.


	2. Day 2

1. Went on laptop.

2. Blogged about lovely Cuban tobacco ash.

3. Hacked the NSA's profiling system to target rude blogger.

4. Went to murder scene.

5. Took a taxi to London Bridge.

6. Caught assassin hired to kill British CEO then leave via boat at the river to France.

7. Ate Vietnamese food with John.

8. Helped Vietnamese shop owner fend off parkhour robbers.

9. Went home and took cold shower.

10. Forgot John's girlfriend was staying over and walked out nude.

11. Discovered a salamander in the hallway.

12. Named him Jerry.

13. Got yelled at for dropping John's phone in tea.

14. Went out to dry clean coat.

15. Ran from people wanting me to put on "that hat".

16. Bumped into Lestrade on day off.

17. His wife is still cheating on him.

18. Avoided assassination from another ninja.

19. Chased ninja into subway tunnels.

20. Handed over defeated ninja to Lestrade.

21. Walked home.

21. Discovered Jerry on my computer.

22. Removed Jerry off of my computer.

24. Ignored e-mail from Irene.

25. Froze a watermelon with alcohol inside.

26. Dropped it outside in the alley.

27. Picked up coat at dry cleaners.

28. Bumped into Molly at the dry cleaners.

29. She still has that cat sweater?

30. Made plans for coffee at morgue.


	3. Day 3

1. Fed Jerry flies.

2. Blowtorched a scalp over stove.

3. Got yelled at for blowtorching a scalp by John.

4. Rejected ten cases from people on John's blog.

5. Went to Pet Shop to get Jerry a proper tank (I've kept him in John's shoe box).

6. Ran into Moriarty's henchman "The Golem" on way home.

7. Trapped Golem in a dumpster.

8. Took five nicotine patches out of boredom.

9. Blew up can of beans in microwave.

10. Went with John to buy a new microwave.

11. Ran into Molly at store.

12. She's still wearing that sweater!?

13. Brought microwave oven home.

14. Found the Golem trying to break into my room.

15. Threw him out the window.

16. Took a case from Lestrade regarding kidnapped Russian ballerina..

17. Figured out it it was Moriarty and saved ballerina from kidnappers on boat.

18. Crashed boat into a port.

19. Avoided charges with help from ballerina's father, the Russian Ambassador to the UK.

20. Went back home to look at skull.

21. Found Jerry in my skull.

22. Ate pasta Mrs. Hudson made.

23. Learned from John that Mrs. Hudson is not my housekeeper.

24. Gave Jerry buttered biscuits.

25. Played darts with throwing knifes at wall.

26. Accidently hit John in the foot... again.

27. Took John to the hospital again.

28. Stopped at morgue for coffee with Molly.

29. Went back home to sleep.

30. Forgot John was at the hospital.

* * *

**Lion: I actually responded to a reviewer that I wasn't sure what a Salamander would be doing in London for Sherlock to find because it's so cold. But it turns out Salamanders are found in Europe and Britain, the most common being the Fire Salamander. I'm more familiar with Salamanders in North America and Japan but they can be found all over Russia and Europe and part of China and South America. Just thought I'd add that in.**


	4. Day 4

1. Picked up John at the hospital.

2. Went to meet potential client at the flat.

3. Did not take case to locate a missing diamond. Boring.

4. Went with Lestrade and John to look for missing body.

5. Found missing body.

6. Discovered Jerry in my coat pocket.

7. Went to look for a better tank to keep Jerry in.

8. Beat up assassin sent for refusal of diamond case.

9. Went to Scotland Yard to take a new case.

10. Bumped into Donavan on elevator ride up.

11. She's wearing a sweater bought by Anderson.

12. Bumped into Anderson on way to Lestrade.

13. Accidently spilled his tea on his trousers. *chuckles*

14. Took case regarding "Occult" murderer.

15. Went back home to eat bread.

16. Read John's blog.

17. He's still mad about not taking the diamond case.

18. Tried to figure out how long it'd take for temperature of John's beers to blow up.

19. Blew up beer after half an hour.

20. Left Jerry in new tank.

21. Fended off ninja attack for third time this week.

22. Went with John to suspect murderers house.

23. Stopped him from sacrificing a young woman with John's help.

24. Handed murderer-revealed to be a Government official-to Lestrade.

25. Ignored request from Irene to meet for coffee.

26. Found the ninja again at Baker Street.

27. Tazed the ninja.

28. Watched "Diamonds are Forever" with John.

29. Played violin.

30. Found Jerry sitting at my arm chair.

* * *

**Lion: Some mentions on this list are actually references to cases on the blog of John H. Watson, the same blog that appears in **_**Sherlock**_**. It's pretty close to the events that happen in the story and has references to cases highlighted in the TV show but described more on the blog.**


	5. Day 5

1. Took a shower.

2. Brushed teeth.

3. Looked at John recording last case.

4. People read his blog?

5. Found Jerry sleeping on my scarf.

6. Locked Jerry in his tank

*Note to self: Buy a better lock*

7. Interviewed several potential clients.

8. All easy to figure out. Boring.

9. Did not stop Jerry from leaping on a client.

10. Got berated by John when client jumped backwards and fell down the stairs.

11. Took a case from three graphic novel geeks regarding comic books superheroes coming to life.

12. Either they are real, the client is delusional, or this is done for the clients benefit.

13. The first theory seems most plausible.

14. Sent John to comic book shop for research.

15. Followed Lestrade to a taco stand.

16. Ignored Mycroft's henchman trying to take me to Parliament.

17. Received text from anonymous figure regarding comic book case.

18. Obviously Moriarty. Who else puts this *insert evil grin here* after a text?

19. Talked to one of my "Baker Street Irregulars" as John calls them.

20. Explained to John that the company that owned graphic novels was fueling campaign to make client insane in order to boost sales of their graphic novels title.

21. Got attacked by ninjas again.

22. Knocked out ninjas, stole their uniforms.

23. Dressed like a ninja with John.

24. Went to Soho via cab.

25. Beat up superhero at Soho and revealed to client how he was being played.

26. After sending evidence to Lestrade, watched happily as comic book company closed down.

27. Ignored John's pleas to undress from ninja outfit.

28. Found Jerry inside of Fridge.

29. Put Jerry back in tank again.

30. Played violin till next morning.

* * *

**Lion: Part of the "plot" of this day was inspired by "The Geek Interpreter". if you watch the Season 2 episode "A Scandal in Belgravia" you'll see John typing up this very entry in his blog and you can find it on his blog online. I had read this entry a long time ago but forgot about the ninja part in it so in a weird way Sherlock's battles with ninja's here tied in well to the canon of the blog. **


	6. Day 6

1. Sat at computer contemplating boredom.

2. ...Bored.

3. ...So Bored.

4. ...really bo- Jerry get back in your tank!

5. Got a weird look from John after yelling at Jerry.

6. Went out to find... "some".

7. Did not find "some". No one will sell me any.

8. Ignored Mycroft's body guards trying to escort me.

9. Got taken anyways.

10. Ended up in government building.

11. Questioned on glowing bunny formula from Baskerville being stolen.

12. Didn't reveal I have glowing bunny formula and tested it on Jerry.

13. Went back home to lay on couch.

14. Slept.

15. Woke up to find Mrs. Hudson cleaning apartment (Apparently it was dirty).

16. Took pills for a blasted headache.

17. Ran into John and girlfriend 274 on way out.

18. ... she's still going out with him?

19. Stopped at Barts to analyze blood of murder victim.

20. Found Jerry glowing on desk next to me.

21. Trapped Jerry in a jar.

22. Explained to Molly why I have a glowing Fire Salamander in a jar.

23. Stopped for tea in Chinatown.

24. Bumped into the Golem at Chinatown (Moriarty fired him for incompetence and is now working as a fry cook).

25. Bought a headband to help headache.

*Note to self: Surprisingly comfortable*

26. Went to Scotland Yard to conclude case of TV Conglomerate by hired assassin with a golfclub related to Conglomerate's sister.

27. Ignored UFO.

28. Ignored John and girlfriend asking about UFO spotting.

29. The news recorded me?

30. Forgot I was still wearing headband on the news.

* * *

**FlyingLion: IDK Jerry's really getting out there. This always happens when I write original characters, they always just take on forms of their own I never expect. **


	7. Day 7

1. ...

"... no. Not today."

"Sherlock, are you alright?" John glanced at his flatmate currently laying on the couch of their living room. The famed Detective lay on his back with his head touching the ground and long skinny pajama clad legs hanging up to lean on the wall.

"Bored... no time for lists..."

"Lists? Oh you mean the 'Everything Wrong with your day' stuff you have to send to the probation officer?"

Sherlock nodded sighing. He then fell onto the couch letting one arm lay on the ground. He was too lazy to care to lift it up preferring to lay in his comfort. John was really concerned sensing the sheer boredom off of his friend emit into the room. It was not a good vibe.

"...it's so boring..."

"Sherock, you just woke up. I'm sure something interesting will come up for you." John tried to reassure Sherlock. His curly haired flatmate however shook his head turning to face his back to his friend in a ball.

"...it's not a good day. To... bored."

John really wasn't sure what to do now. Sure he'd seen when Sherlock got into his rather dull moods several times before but this... this seemed just plain weird.

Perhaps it was in fact the culmination of writing said daily lists for the probation officer as requested by Her Majesty's Court. Not to mention the fact that this week had been the absolute strangest for the two crime solving flatmates of Baker Street. What with all the cases, weird conspiracies, salamander, and even ninjas.

"By the way Sherlock, what did you do with those ninja uniforms you took anyhow?" John asked remembering all the freak encounters with them. Sherlock merely groaned turning on his back head looking at the ceiling.

"I took them to the dry cleaners. They're quite comfortable John."

"So you're keeping them then. That's good for your name." John went back to typing on his blog while Sherlock eyed him oddly.

It was a good thing the former doctor hadn't asked Holmes about what had been done with the actual ninjas. After a while he'd forgotten that they were locked in the basement. Of course by some mysterious means the ninjas had escaped, most likely with the help of the rest of their clan. Good thing they were taken out before they starved to death, otherwise Holmes may have left them down there even longer.

"So then. I guess it will just be another mundane day in the life of Sherlock Holmes without any murders or mad serial killers to stop. Just a nice quiet day." John commented sipping his coffee.

Sherlock sighed closing his blue eyes. Tired as he was for once the ace Consulting Detective had to agree with Dr. Watson. It was peaceful and quite a nice day to recover.

That was until Sherlock felt something cool and wet leap onto his face.

Sherlock opened his eyes to find none other than a familiar red spotted black amphibian perched on his person. Jerry the Salamander stared at Sherlock in something of an odd staring contest unmoving off of the Detective. This was the last straw as Sherlock let out an annoyed yell.

* * *

1. Jumped off couch after Jerry jumped on my face.

2. Hit my head on floor.

3. Chased Jerry despite protest from John.

4. Went out to Barts.

5. Ate a donut on someone's desk.

*Note to self: must figure out where this donut came from*

6. Examined suicide victim-scratch that, made to look like suicide.

7. Left to go catch a murderer.

8. Got Lestrade to arrest murderer.

9. Damn it's still 10:30!

10. Went to Scotland Yard to expose more criminals.

11. Got kicked out of Scotland Yard for being too pushy.

12. Stole Anderson's coffee mug.

13. Averted bombing of Parliament by solving a riddle sent by Moriarty.

14. He still owes me an apple.

15. Bought twenty nicotine patches.

16. ... ah... much better...

17. Karate chopped a thief stealing cake from Mrs. Hudson.

18. Ate cake with Mrs. Hudson.

19. Ran into John's girlfriend.

20. She's frustrated at John's lack of proposing-marriage?

21. Laughed at image of a married John.

*Heh. He'd probably have a stupid moustache. That'll be the day*

22. Got kidnapped by ninjas.

23. Proceeded to defeat ninjas in alleyway using nunchucks.

24. Glad I brought my nunchucks with me when I left the flat.

25. Ran into Mycroft-my gosh he's gained more weight!

26. Decided not to go with him to receive award from the Queen.

27. Ignored Irene's text to go on date soon.

28. Found Jerry in my pocket.

29. Went back home to put Jerry back in tank.

30. Slept.

**FlyingLion: Well I guess that ends it for this week. I think I'll write the next chapter on Monday. Gives me a break for the weekend to work on the other fics I need to do. **


	8. Day 8

**FlyingLion: Day 8. Week 2 begins...**

* * *

1. Set up cameras in Baker Street to examine Jerry.

2. Watched Jerry through computer screen.

3. Still watching...

4. He hasn't moved.

5. Kicked John out when he asked to go meet girlfriend.

6. Damn-Jerry's gone again!

7. Fell back in chair when Jerry appeared on desk.

8. Ate a muffin.

9. Got text from Lestrade about serial killings involving Potato baker.

10. Took a cab to Potato making factory.

11. Beat up assassin sent from Moriarty to steal secret potato formula.

12. Went for tea at Barts with Molly.

13. Mm... Earl Grey...

14. Ran outside after hearing icecream truck pass by playing Super Mario Brothers Theme song.

15. Got ice cream.

15. Ran into more assassins hired by Moriarty.

16. Had a duel with multiple assassins in the street.

17. Ignored text from John to get out of the street.

18. Somehow ran up a wall kicking assassin in face.

19. Performed judo kick to final assassin knocking him in ice cream truck.

20. Ran when police showed up led by Donovan.

21. Picked up scarfs at dry cleaners.

22. Ignored text from Mycroft.

23. Got taken by Mycroft's cronies to Scotland yard.

24. Tuned out probation officer during lecture of not turning in papers for one whole week.

25. Escaped through window when he looked the other way.

26. Picked up bread at grocery store.

27. Ate bread on cab on way home.

28. Took a shower.

29. Didn't realize John's girlfriend was taking a shower in bathroom.

30. Stayed in shower while she ran out screaming.

* * *

**FlyingLion: I'm so sorry about the late update as this fic was planned to be a daily project but I was busy on Monday with Bible Study classes and later on Wednesday for classes at the Natural History Museum. So I'm gonna be busy for sometime. But weirdly I've been writing a lot more at the same time.**

**PS: The middle part with Sherlock fighting assassins came up because I was listening to the song "Red Fraction" which is the opening theme to the anime _Black Lagoon_. It's highly action oriented with western flavor so I kinda imagined Sherlock in that high speed action scenario for some reason. **


	9. Day 9

1. Woke up.

2. Made scrambled eggs.

3. Gave Jerry scrambled eggs.

4. Glared at him when he didn't eat them.

5. Massaged feet.

6. Went out to look for a lamp.

7. Bought a lamp.

8. Bumped into Anderson.

9. He's buying medication-too easy to figure out why.

10. Ignored text from Moriarty.

11. Changed my number.

12. Bumped into John's girlfriend.

12. She's buying him a hideous scarf.

14. Watched Jerry jump from coat pocket onto John's girlfriend.

15. Ran with Jerry away from John's furious girlfriend.

16. Bumped into Molly carrying stacks of paper.

17. Knocked papers into another ninja (unintentional, for once I didn't know they were there).

18. Got a cake at coffee shop.

19. Spotted Anderson with Donavan outside.

20. Threw paper airplane hitting Anderson in the eye.

21. Ran from angry Anderson down alley way.

22. Fell into a pool.

23. Ignored women staring at my wet hair for some reason.

24. Went back home to dry off.

25. Did not notice I put number 12 twice on list.

26. Wrote hate mail to Moriarty.

27. Watched Jerry chase his tail-he's out of the tank again!

28. Took five nicotine patches.

29. Woke up finding John and girlfriend watching a "crime thriller" movie.

30. got kicked out after deducing the entire plot.


	10. Day 10

**Day 10...**

1. Woke up on Mrs. Hudson's couch.

2. Ate cake at Mrs. Hudson's shop for breakfast.

3. Walked in on John dancing to K-Pop.

4. Left the flat.

5. Contacted Lestrade on new case involving Pirates messaging criminals via seagulls.

6. Went to Scotland Yard to explain in further detail.

7. His wife is cheating on him with a Librarian now.

8. Took his ID when he got touchy about me pointing that out, and for not sending a team to catch the seagull.

9. Tracked down seagull to a pub.

10. Caught seagull by climbing telephone booth, leaping onto light post, and running up side of pub building with my bare hands.

11. Took seagull with me back to Scotland Yard.

12. Proved to Lestrade theory was correct by handing over message in the Seagull's beak.

13. Took seagull back home with me-his name shall be Ferdinand.

14. Introduced Ferdinand to Jerry.

*surprisingly he hadn't left his tank*

15. Called John back to the flat from his date with Mary-I remembered!

16. Introduced John to Ferdinand.

17. Instructed John to text 'John Smith'.

18. Revealed he just destroyed the CIA's satellite that had been spying on Baker Street.

19. Ignored text from Mycroft.

20. Kicked out MI5 from Baker street sent by Mycroft.

21. Hopped out back window to avoid John lecturing me on crashing the satellite.

22. Bought a collar and a cage for Ferdinand.

23. Ran into Molly buying new collar for her cat.

24. Went with Molly to Bart's to have lunch/examine modern day mummified body.

*Mm... pasta...*

25. Punched a ninja hired by Moriarty to assassinate me at Bart's.

26. Put ninja in a locked closet.

27. Left Bart's after grabbing more pasta.

28. Walked in on John listening to K-Pop again.

29. Gave John pasta to avoid awkward conversation.

30. Went to mind palace.

* * *

**FlyingLion:**

**Ferdinand the Seagull is named after the famous explorer Ferdinand Magellan whose expedition traveled the entire globe. The idea for Sherlock to hunt down a seagull was inspired by the premiere of **_**Elementary **_**Season 2 where Sherlock of that series hunts down a pigeon in central park. It was a great episode and a nice way to get my dose of Sherlock Holmes while waiting for season 3 of **_**Sherlock**_**.**

**The CIA/MI5 bits are somewhat inspired by the upcoming movie **_**The Fifth Estate **_**in which Benedict Cumberbatch stars as Julian Assange. I'm looking forward to the movie and **_**12 Years a Slave **_**which will be pretty awesome.**


	11. Day 11

1. Woke up.

2. Washed hair to make sure to get perfect curls.

3. Dried hair.

4. Ate breakfast.

5. Dressed in coat inside due to freak rain storm sweeping London.

6. Looked at John's erotic video collection on John's laptop.

7. Got kicked out for noting John's taste in women in videos.

8. Went to look for Lestrade.

9. Found him at a Pumpkin donut shop.

10. Ate a Pumpkin donut.

*...Mm... donuts...*

11. Accidently got a ninja run over by a cab driver while calling said cab driver.

12. Went to Scotland Yard with Lestrade to reveal freak cyber terrorist blowing up buildings by pressing buttons.

13. Caught cyber terrorist by sending "Claim your prize" virus via Lestrade's phone.

14. Ignored miffed Lestrade while MI5 caught terrorist.

15. Got hit by a motorcyclist in black.

*Actually... she looked darker than black...*

16. Ignored text from Irene to have dinner.

17. Solved Moriarty's newest puzzle-really an actual puzzle this time? What am I seven?

18. Somehow averted America, Russia, China, and Great Britain from firing nuclear missiles at each other. ?

19. Texted John to meet me at Westminster.

20. Waited at Westminster.

21. Ignored John's complaints of having interrupted his date with Mary.

22. Pretended to be potato salesmen with John to get inside of ninja clan secret base.

23. Fought with ninja's using nunchaku/krav maga.

24. Left after being spared by "the Sensei".

25. Dragged speechless John all the way to Baker Street.

26. Stared at Jerry and wondered why he didn't escape the tank today.

27. Fed Jerry and Ferdinand potatoes.

28. Took shower.

29. Stumbled on John watching his "videos".

30. Went downstairs to calm myself down with Mrs. Hudson.

* * *

**FlyingLion: **

**Yeah IDK this one is most ultra-random. I'm surprised that for once I felt like not having Jerry be the escape artist he's been made out to be and that the ninja theme is kind of becoming bigger in a sense. I'm also kinda miffed I didn't use Ferdinand as much either. Maybe next time.**


End file.
